Diet Day 3 (Blog Day 1)

So, this isn't a political blog, but I have to start with the fact that I feel guilty writing a perky little blog about something as inconsequential as the size of my jeans right now.  I know that the world is a mess.  I had to physically pull over the car to weep about DACA the other day, and I have friends in the path of the second record-breaking hurricane in weeks.   What the hell am I doing?

And  yet.. the sun still shines and it's a beautiful fall day where I am.  I have a lovely 8-year old who is full of joy.  The world still spins, and... I'm still fat.   I will still fight injustice where I can, but today, I'm here on my weight-loss blog.   I originally created this page four years ago and then promptly abandoned it and gained even more weight.  It's time to try again.   Here goes.

I'm writing this on my third day of low-fat/high-fiber/no meat or dairy and (almost*) no oil.

Benefits So Far:

1.  It's only day 3 and my acid re-flux is completely gone and I don't need to prop up on pillows.   No meds at all.  This is amazing to me.    If this doesn't tell you that fat is what's poisoning me, I don't know what does.

2.  I'm sleeping better and waking up better.   

3.  I have more energy.  It's not run-a-marathon energy.  But not being overwhelmingly tired all the time is a big deal for me right now.

4.  I don't miss meat.  At all.   (I do miss butter and cheese.)

Challenges:

1.   As usual, I've picked terrible timing.  At least three of my friends are doing something called Keytones and are joyfully posting about eating meat and feeling great.  I wish I were dieting with them because I'd love to have friends to do this with, but down deep I just really don't feel their diet it's the right diet for me.  Such is life.  Everyone need to do what works for them, and I am truly happy for them that they've found something that makes them feel good.  I just need to push on through to what I know works for me.   (Also, I can have all the bloody carbs I want!  Bwahahahaha!)

2.   My wonderful family is supportive, but will definitely NOT be participating in this diet with me.  This means I cannot purge the cupboards of forbidden things and must take extra care to avoid temptations.   Having lots of things around the house that I CAN eat without a lot of preparation is key.   And I don't mean carrot sticks.  They're all well and good but won't do the trick when the beast is at the wheel.

It also means planning two separate meals every night, one of which I can't eat.   Sometimes this works well, and sometimes it doesn't.  Two nights ago we had Fettuccine Alfredo.  The family ate the normal version, and I made my own version on the side using whole wheat pasta and a vegan Alfredo sauce made with ground up cashews, lemon juice and lots of spices.  It was actually quite passable and tasty -- but if I didn't soak the cashews the night before and plan for it, it wouldn't work.   I need to be a better planner.    On another night this week, they want to have breakfast for dinner with lots of bacon.  There are decent enough fake-bacons out there, but none without oil.  I may need to go out with the girls that night and request that they don't leave any leftovers. 

I know that the temptation part will get easier after about a week.  The thought of eating oily stuff will actually make me nauseous.   But I'm not there yet.  I'm still in withdrawal...

3.  Withrdrawal.   Fit people always give you the side-eye when you talk about this, but my fellow fatties know what I'm talking about.

Here's the thing.  I'm never actually hungry on this diet.  I'm eating so much healthy fiber that I can actually feel my stomach stretching.  The BMs are ridiculous.   And yet I still have an almost overwhelming urge to shove food into my mouth.   Which then makes me suddenly awake to the fact that what I perceive as hunger isn't actually hunger at all.   It's a bloody dopamine craving.   When I eat fat, my brain releases a huge hit of dopamine just like a hit of crack -- and now it's not getting it.  OK, maybe not crack.  But it's chemical a wave of peace that you're not aware that you even receive from food until it's suddenly not there anymore.  It's that simple.   

When I quit smoking 16 years ago, I would walk around compulsively picking up sofa cushions for no reason before realizing that I was unconsciously looking for a cigarette.   Now I'm compulsively opening the fridge, unconsciously looking for cheese.   But I know that in a few days my brain will catch on and it will be much easier.   Just gotta push through.

4.  Body adjustments.   Body is adjusting to lots more fiber in all the um, usual ways.   Not much worth publishing about that, but it happens.   Buy Beano and remember it will get better.

5.  About the "almost" no oil thing:  Yeah, I have already been less than perfect.  I had a tablespoon of peanut butter with my apple yesterday, which contained added oil.  And I had a handful of vegan granola that also used vegetable oil in the prep.   To quote Lindsay at the Happy Herbivore, I'm seeking progress, not perfection.   I consider these to be small infractions, and I believe that sometimes a tablespoon of peanut butter can be the thing that keeps you from melting down and getting a cheeseburger value meal.  But I also need to be careful about disregarding the rules too flippantly, because it adds up quickly.

Anyway, that's all I've got for now.  I think I'm off to a reasonably good start.

Tonight we're going to a school picnic.  The family will continue its tradition of picking up a bucket of fried chicken, and I will swing by the store and pick up a tray of veggie sushi.  Rock on.